Is my departed loved one angry with me? Suffering the pain of guilt after a loved one passes.

As we enter this most colorful season, a time rich with the beauty of stark changes awash with the brilliant hues that paint the quiet and peace of life’s wonders, I hope you are enjoying some hopes and promises granted.

For me, Fall is always a time of reflection, organization and preparation for the cold and dark days of Winter’s chill. It is also my favorite time of the year and so I am bound to write some poetry!

Today I find myself reflecting on the very recent passing of my dear friend Phran Ginsberg, a wonderful & powerful woman I have come to admire greatly for her strength, fortitude and tireless dedication in helping guide the bereaved in their path toward healing. And to that effort, Phran and her wonderful husband Bob, together founded The Forever Family Foundation as a place where individuals and families who have suffered the loss of a loved one can turn for support, information, and hope.

As I reflect back over time and conversations shared with Phran & Bob and many who have attended Forever Family Foundation retreats, a question occurs to me that is very often posed by many of my own clients and I feel compelled to share my answer for anyone who may be struggling with feelings of guilt after the passing of a loved one.

The circumstances and situations that cause us to feel guilt after the passing of a loved one are wide-ranging indeed

We can be left anguishing over actions taken or words thoughtlessly or callously uttered. Perhaps we didn’t express our love sufficiently. Perhaps we didn’t express it at all. Perhaps we are now forced to make a choice that we feel our loved one would not agree with or we must make a decision that may explicitly go against their expressed wishes.

A woman asks if her deceased husband of 5 years was mad at her for meeting someone new.

A daughter asks if her mom was angry with her because she was not able to hold onto the family home when the taxes became too much for her to manage.
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Another man breaks down in tears when he recounts how much he loved his wife, but he never said it to her around friends or family.  He knew it must have hurt her deeply.  “Could she ever forgive me for being such a bonehead”?

Admittedly, I too have contemplated the losses of many family, friends and colleagues and have suffered the pangs of guilt

I too have agonized over things I wish I had or hadn’t done​.

I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would become a priest and although I worked hard and discerned deeply I could not align myself with the obedience expected and so fell away from the path. Over the years I have often wondered if I have disappointed her so greatly that she’ll never reach out to me or that she won’t be able to greet me when my day comes.

So many people have expressed similar fears to me and worry if our loved ones in spirit will ever let us off the hook and free us from our guilt and our nagging fears.  Will they let us peacefully move on?

In fact, the only ones holding us back and tight in the patterns and struggle of guilt, shame and remorse, is ourselves

​Spirit has no investment in the physical existence and certainly shows no concern for the ‘Stuff’ of life. They exist in a place of light illuminated with the awesome power of Love. They come to us in order to gently nudge each of us to live these lessons of life on earth with a sense of concern, compassion and love for each other, no matter what!

Our mistakes, our misgivings, our missed opportunities and our misguided choices are all part of living in this human confusion and deluded, distracted state of being. Spirit is unencumbered by such physical trappings – the money, the property, the jealousies, greed, anger and slothfulness of this physical plane.

They are in a mind of freedom and a place of great illumination of truth and their hope for us is to open our eyes and minds to the wonder and the miracle of Love.

No new love affair, no lost house, no harsh words or sentiments held-back can diminish their love or their forgiveness. ​​

It is of no consequence to their brilliant new form in the world of infinite intelligence and knowing. They dwell in a garden of love and only love - for the peace of ALL

​There is no room for the spins and gyrations of the human fears.  So they gently touch in, not to judge, scold or get even. They come with their new and evolved insight to encourage each of us to live, live well and not waste another moment of life’s experience on regret.

Be kind to one another and breathe. Fear not for they are always with you only in Love.

​Peace,

Joe

© 2020 Joseph P. Shiel III

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